Her Eyes

Like the depth of the ocean, they stare into your soul
Mystifying every word that falls from your lips
Cutting through the world with a truth that most cannot understand
Yet holding a softness akin to a rose petal floating on a stream
They draw you in with their majestic beauty and hold you there
Suspended in time and motion
All thoughts transfixed on them
You can see her past, her pain hiding behind them
Buried beneath their luster
Entrenched behind the sparkle that distracts from their presence
Yet still you can see her future
The roads open, and the light shines from within
A future radiating with a brightness that mocks the sun
Her purity, her goodness, her virtue
They are all present in her stare
How I long to be looked upon with those eyes
To be embraced by the compassion they posses
To softly meet their gaze with my own
To allow the dance that ensues to consume our souls
I wish to be present in their memories and their future
To unravel their mysteries
To allow our journey to unfold inside them
And then she blinks….
And the journey begins again.

Things I have written on FB

If you want to change your life, first you have to change your mind then change your perspective.

In the end our destinations are all the same, this is inevitable, but our journeys and experiences are what will define us, and stamp our names on the pages of time. Make your journey the stuff legends are written from.

Those who aim to gain the praise of others set their sights too low. Be who you are, stand up for what you believe, and do the right thing for the right reasons and eventually their perception will bend to your will.

It is hard for one person to do one great thing to change the world, but for many to do one small thing each, the world can change in the blink of an eye.

If you can change one life for the better, if you can love one person unconditionally, if you can sleep with your conscience clear, if you can face each day with your head held high, then you are a true success, for this is not measured by the dollars in your pocket, the car in your garage, or the clothes on your back, but by the actions that you extend towards others.

They say you learn something new everyday, but the days when you learn something new about yourself can be the most difficult, and also the most rewarding.

Somewhere in the process of losing my mind, I found myself.

If you do good things expecting rewards then you are doing them for the wrong reasons. There is no guarantee in life that says if you are a good person good things will come to you, there is only the knowledge in yourself that you did the right thing. Aside from this, no promise can be made.

 Life isn't always fun, and it isn't always fair, but it is always changing. Adapt to it, and you will overcome, fight it, and you will be burried.

Beauty, money, and status will always be trumped by honesty, honor, and integrity. For these things cannot fade with time or be taken away, only given away willingly.

You can't let the events of your past dictate the outcome of your future. Only you can control what is going to happen.

 Family is not only something you are born into, but something you aquire through your life. They are the ones you can count on when the chips are down, and your back is against the wall. They are always there, even if you haven't talked for a while, or hung out. They are the ones who stand behind you right or wrong,... no matter what. You can fight amongst yourselves, but no one else better step to you.

Things I have Learned

No decision is final.  Life is not so black and white that anything cannot be overcome with hard work, time, patience, and forgiveness.  

We control our own destiny, and in order to do that must let others control their own destiny.  

Everyone has the right to fail and succeed on their own accord.  It is through this that we determine who we are.

If you want something to work you have to be willing to put forth the effort to make it work.  Nothing is easy, and that which is easy is seldom what you want.

If you do everything that someone asks, eventually they will resent the fact that you never let them do for themselves.

Relationships require work from both sides.  There is almost never one responsible party in either the success or failure of a relationship.

Love can be eternal but it must adapt to protect itself.

Life is not static.

To be good in a relationship you must find the right balance of selflessness, and selfishness.  Provide the needs for the other person while protecting who you are.

If you lose yourself in a relationship, then YOU are no longer in the relationship.

If something is worth having, then it is worth fighting for.

Never make a last attempt, because a LAST attempt means you are giving up.

Growth in a relationship must be enjoyed and embraced by the individuals, and the relationship as a whole. 

You should be able to be yourself in your relationship first and foremost. Even if the rest of the world does not know who you really are.

We are all allowed to have opinions and should feel safe and comfortable enough with our significant others to express them freely.

If you are not able to move on alone, then you are not able to move on with the one that you love. As individuals you must identify yourselves in order to give a face to your relationship.

When two people come together in a relationship, they should be seen as one, and still remain separate.

There She Sat.

There she sat.  I stared, intoxicated by her beauty.  I sat in awe of her powerful charm, and amazing smile.  I watched light dance in her eyes.  I felt electricity jump through me with every beat of my heart.  I felt my chest rise and fall with each breath I took.  I listened intently to her words as if the very secrets of life were rolling off her perfect lips, falling from her mouth to the ground without ever a chance of reaching me.  I had talked to her before, and listened before, but this day seemed to be the most enlightening and confusing of all the days past.  Was it because I thought that I would never see her again?  Was it because I thought that I would never hear the melody of her voice in my ears?  Was it because she was not mine, and I was not hers, yet my longing for her created a pain in my soul?  Was it because I connected with her once in another time and place that she would never know about?  Did she know?  I feel like my emotions were so strong that they were painted on my face and etched in my eyes.  Her image danced in my mind for years, she touched depths of my soul I did not know existed.  She grabbed my mind and my spirit and held them in her arms with the embrace of a new mother with her child.  I longed to be held in her arms, to hold her hand and feel the warmth of her touch, to stare into her eyes with a connection that only we could understand.  The world would slow, sound would go, and all I would feel is her heart and the warmth of her touch.  All I would see was the soft glow of light against her perfect skin, the sparkle in her eyes that let the world know that this is an angel sent from heaven to watch over the world, and keep the balance of good and evil.  I would hear the sound of our hearts merging into one, beating in rhythm together, creating the music for our passion.  Just her presence was enough to change the flow of emotion in me.  Just the thought of her was enough to calm the rage and sorrow of not being around her.  For so long I have kept distance from her.  For so long I have forfeited my feelings and emotions and forced my mind to think of other things, but I cannot pretend that I do not feel for her anymore. Now I must make my feelings known and take the risk of pain in order to taste the elixir of fate.  To find what needs to exist in my life, in our lives, I must make the first step forward, and continue forward.  The destination may be painful but the journey would in and of itself be the single most magnificent journey of my life. To explore the feelings and emotions of a woman so magnificent that other beings in heaven cast her away from jealousy that they could not compare to the light that springs forth from within her.  To allow her into my very being and feel her in my heart would take all pain from the world for a lifetime, and replace it with warmth and compassion.  Now I have a chance to make desire reality, to make longing into completion, to taste her sweet kiss an allow myself to bathe in her glory.  I will take this chance.  I will tempt the fate of lives and take the first step towards tomorrow’s promise of a new beginning.  I will chance the rapids, and be swept away by the feelings that I have kept hidden for so long. 

How Did it Happen?

How did it happen?  I saw her, and felt her.  I was touched by her soul and weakened by her gaze.  She moved around me on a whisper of air that sent my senses soaring, yet I could not hold her.  She floated into my reach, but vanished before I could take hold of her. She danced in my mind, but I could not solidify the bond that I felt creating between us.  Her fear of the possibilities stood before me, and between us.  Nothing more could have stopped me from pursuing what was once only a dream. It became a real possibility, but I was unable to grasp the fantasy that hovered before me.  Was it love?  Who could know what could have been?  No one could reason why I felt so strongly and no one could convince me otherwise.  I am lost now, in a sea of emotion.  Set adrift in an ocean of feelings that wash over me, pull me under, spin me, and throw me, I am lost.  I can no longer pretend that what I feel is not real.  I can no longer hide behind my smile and my strength.  I am hurt deeply in ways that I cannot explain.  I am wounded mortally and am now waiting for the final blow of the sword to end the pain that I have found in my life.  I wish that I could go back and set right the wrongs that I facilitated against her.  I wish that I had one more chance to get to know the person who I once had these unfounded emotions for.  I wish I could understand how to make her see who I am, what I am, why I am?  I wish I could make her feel the things I feel.  I do not know why I am feeling the way I do.  I feel hopeless and lost in this moment, trapped in myself and in my words.  An angel once stood before me, and I let her slip back to heaven without ever being able to touch her heart as she touched mine.  A shared kiss, a shared moment, the feeling of her hand in mine, these things I cherish.  The sound of her voice, it echoes in my ears and rings deep into my soul shining its light onto the darkest parts of my existence.  Provide me with a chance, and I will move the world for you.  Give me but a second, and I will grab the moon from the sky with a rope made of stars.  I will fight through the perils of hell to reach you, and I will destroy the devil himself to hold you.  I will never let the memory of that day slip from my mind.  I will never give up my dream.  I pray that someday you will see me for what I have to offer you, and hope that your heart will allow me to enter and make my home there forever.

Mi Vida

I struggled for all my life to become what I am.  I have taken turns that most would not take, and tried things that most would not dare.  I fought when others ran, and stood when others rolled over.  I am not perfect, I am not infallible, and I am not superman.  I have done things that will stand in my mind for the rest of my life.  I have walked both sides of the track, and survived both.  I have found that they are both equally dangerous, and both are fraught with those who would love to see you fail.  To them I say, bring it on.  Test me, try me, do your best to stop me.  You will fail.  I have been beaten to the ground, and every time, I rise to my feet and push on.  I have never been stopped.  I follow my own rules, and I dance to my own music.  I will never back down.  I will always face adversity with a clear mind and conscience and with a smile on my face.  I smile because I know that I can overcome anything that is placed before me.  Through the strength of being, family, and God, I will overcome.  If you don’t believe me, stand before me.  I will break every chain, demolish every lock, and destroy every wall.  I will not walk around them, I will not go over them, I will not go under them, I will go through them.  I have made my own path.  I do not know where it will lead me, but I know where I have been.  I know where I will never go again.  This is my life.  I have dedication and determination on my side.  I hold honesty and integrity above all else.  The strength of my character cannot be questioned. I will not abdicate myself.  I will never lose myself again.  I do not fight because I cannot run.  I stand and fight because it is the right thing to do.  This life is a gift.  It is my responsibility to do the very best I can with it.  It is my duty to my mother, my father, and God to manage my own destiny, and create a path before me that exceeds the expectations of the doubters and critics.  This I will do because I will always try to do the right thing for the right reason.  I cannot predict what will happen in the future, but I can predict the way I will deal with what happens in the future, for I am in control of who I am, now and forever.  No one can change what I have become, and none can influence what I become in the future.  I will overcome for this is my charge, is my destiny, and is my responsibility.  This is my fight and my mission.  This is my life.

The Wall

I’ve constructed a wall.  Brick by brick it was created to protect the remains of my shattered heart.  Stone by stone it was reinforced to enclose the remains of my soul that hover there where I once existed.  Each brick and stone represents a pain that someone laid on my shoulders like a whip across my back.  Each demonstrates the strength it took to stand and accept my pennants for things I have done wrong.  One by one they have been amassed through my life, and one by one the mortar has been added.  There are steel rods that run through them to make sure that they are never shaken from their spot in my chest and mind.  There is no gate, nor window.  There is no way in, and no escape yet piece by piece the contents of this wall suffocate, as more is added to the converging space.  Trusts, hope, faith, love, friendship, all are trapped there forever.  Many have tried to penetrate this wall which so short a time ago was only half as high and strong.  Many have failed their attempts.  This impenetrable enclosure is a fortress of safety for what remains inside.  These things that should be available are now cut off.  These feelings and emotions are kept in the dark like diamonds in a jewelers vault.  Things so valuable and beautiful are kept from the sight of others so that they cannot be destroyed for they are weak and fragile now.  They will never be taken advantage of again, nor forsaken.   They will never be used against me for the sake of another person’s gain.  They will never be thrust back towards me like the blade of a rusty dagger aimed at my heart.  If one were to touch my heart it would crumble.  If my true soul were to see light again, it would disintegrate.   Now this wall stands taller than my heart.  There is neither a ladder tall enough to see over it, nor a shovel strong enough to dig under it.  No hammer will break through it.  This is the prison that cannot be escaped.  This is the Alcatraz of my soul, the Château d' If of my heart.  This is where I keep myself, and all those who think that they have seen inside me, even they will never know the true depth of the person I was.  No one can ever know.  This is my charge.  This is my vow.  This is my reality.

I Stand Alone

Now I stand alone, a fighter in a world wrought with adversaries.  A world hell bent on taking me down, dragging me through the mud and putting me in a hole that I cannot ascend from.  Yet I stand, on the frontline of my own life.  Master of all I control.  I am not afraid, but I am alone.  Now I have to find strength in myself.  I have to find strength for myself.  For so long my strength has been devoted to holding you up, giving you the power to overcome.  Now I must move forward on my own.  I must defeat the demons that haunt my dreams, and the monster that hide in the shadows.  Stand up against the devils henchmen and show them that I will not be overthrown.  I can continue and I will hold my head up.  I have given everything to you, and to my life, and now I must stand for me.  Protect the weak that cannot protect themselves, stand up for what I believe.  This is the battle cry that I scream as I walk forward into a life of pain and despair, a world of fear and anger.  They are angry with me because I will not fall to my knees, I will not bend, and I will not break.  I will stand strong against the forces that rise up against me.  I will stand fast before those that oppose my desire to continue.  I have seen the bottom, tasted the grit of the pits of hell, and the ash in my mouth.  I have seen the lowest point of the abyss and I stood tall.  I faced my fear and my pain.  I walked through the weakness of my soul, and ventured forward.  I have the blood and dirt under my nails from scraping my way back from the depths that I was sent to.  I have taken the stones and assaults that come from traversing the rocky path ahead of me.  Barefoot and weighted down with despair, I continue.  I always continue.  I continue moving forward through hellish conditions, with pain, hunger, and loneliness beating at my door.  While the rest of the world might succeed to the wants and desires of a cold world, I fight.  I traverse the ledges and straights and narrows that lay before me with the pride I was brought into this world to have.  I do not take the easy way out and follow the misguided and ill fated.  I fight to do what I know to be right.  I fight to keep the knowledge in my heart that I did all I could in this world to make it a better place to be in.  I fight to keep paths clear of obstacles so that I may proceed to my own destiny.  I fight so that others may achieve theirs.  I am alone and I fight.  That is the way of this warrior.  Someday you may stand by me and fight alongside me, bear the weight of my burden and I will gladly bear yours.  Someday you may see the efforts of my truth, my conviction, and my love.  Until then, I am alone.  I am alone and I fight.

Phoenix Rising

Like a phoenix rising from its own ashes, I will rise from the ruins of my past life.  I will spread my fiery wings and overcome that which has so long held me down.  I will throw off the ashes of yesterday’s failures and brush the dust of the past into the catacombs of mediocrity and fly forth with a fierce presence letting the world know that I will rise to the glory that I have long been forsaken.  I will achieve that which I deserve and have strived for.  I will obtain that which I have fought and bled for.  I will burn and rise again many times throughout my life, but from this moment forth the phoenix that courses through me will be my power.  Each time I hurt, I will heal, each time I cry, I will see redemption.  I shall never allow the world that beats at my door to undo what I have created, to tarnish the silver lining to the cloud which my dreams rest on.  I will burn and each time I will rise again, stronger, bolder, and fiercer than the last.  I will wield my sword and wander forth, no trek forth, for I have a clear objective, and my sight is keen.  I will not be overcome with fear, or doubt, for each time I feel these I will burn and be reborn with ferocity and honor.  Yes, I am the phoenix whose life so recently ended and was reborn in fire to live on.  I am the phoenix who is rising from the ashes of a previous existence to push forward and forge a new life through heat and pressure.  I am the phoenix and I will rise again with fire pulsing through my veins, pushing me forward, ever forward.  The phoenix and I are one.

He Died Today

He died without ever realizing his full potential
He died without ever seeing his dreams through to fulfillment
He died hopelessly lost in a world that would consume him
He died in a world that was oblivious to the changes he made as a man
He died without ever trying new things
He died without ever letting go of old things
He died in a moment of pain and despair that no one could ever see coming
He died lost in himself
He died trapped in his own mind
He died a fool at the hands of life
He died alone and unloved
He died today and was reborn within himself.