The Wall

I’ve constructed a wall.  Brick by brick it was created to protect the remains of my shattered heart.  Stone by stone it was reinforced to enclose the remains of my soul that hover there where I once existed.  Each brick and stone represents a pain that someone laid on my shoulders like a whip across my back.  Each demonstrates the strength it took to stand and accept my pennants for things I have done wrong.  One by one they have been amassed through my life, and one by one the mortar has been added.  There are steel rods that run through them to make sure that they are never shaken from their spot in my chest and mind.  There is no gate, nor window.  There is no way in, and no escape yet piece by piece the contents of this wall suffocate, as more is added to the converging space.  Trusts, hope, faith, love, friendship, all are trapped there forever.  Many have tried to penetrate this wall which so short a time ago was only half as high and strong.  Many have failed their attempts.  This impenetrable enclosure is a fortress of safety for what remains inside.  These things that should be available are now cut off.  These feelings and emotions are kept in the dark like diamonds in a jewelers vault.  Things so valuable and beautiful are kept from the sight of others so that they cannot be destroyed for they are weak and fragile now.  They will never be taken advantage of again, nor forsaken.   They will never be used against me for the sake of another person’s gain.  They will never be thrust back towards me like the blade of a rusty dagger aimed at my heart.  If one were to touch my heart it would crumble.  If my true soul were to see light again, it would disintegrate.   Now this wall stands taller than my heart.  There is neither a ladder tall enough to see over it, nor a shovel strong enough to dig under it.  No hammer will break through it.  This is the prison that cannot be escaped.  This is the Alcatraz of my soul, the Château d' If of my heart.  This is where I keep myself, and all those who think that they have seen inside me, even they will never know the true depth of the person I was.  No one can ever know.  This is my charge.  This is my vow.  This is my reality.